(Not a) Résumé ! To find the future that I was promised.

Name: Indian Millennial

Place: Indian City

Contact: iamtrying@…..com

Objective:

• To find the future that I was promised.

Work Experience:

• More than ten months of experience in scouting for a job that will give me the 3-4 years of experience that I would need in order to get a job.
• (I am sorry about the illogical nature of the aforementioned sentence; I have not been able to understand it myself. And this is despite having 10+ months of experience in the same).

Education:

• The usual – 10^th board exam, 12^th board exam.
• A bachelor’s degree followed by a master’s degree.
• (From the age of 6 to the age of 13, I was told that the exam I would take when I was 15 would determine my entire life. After I finished that “most important exam of my life,” I had to take another “most important exam of my life”. It was pretty much the same but now I was 18. I have taken a whole lot of exams after that. I have lost count, and am still wondering which of all the “most important exam(s)” would actually determine my “entire life”. But hey, patience is key).

Technical Summary:

• I can tell with utmost certainty if two triangles are similar, or congruent, or neither.
• I know King Chandragupt Vikramaditya’sentire life history. In Hindi (the icing on the cake if you will).
• I can quote lines from various short stories in ‘EkankiSuman’. There is a particular episode from the Ramayan in it. I know all of Sita’s lines. “Oh Ashok vriksh, mujheissshok se vidakar lo!”
• I am the best at using a thread to gauge the distance between a mountain and railway station in a dusty town in Rajasthan (it’s called Topography, silly. 10 whole marks are sectioned off just for it in the board exam. Practice!)
• I know the length and breadth of many important monuments in Delhi. (I can go on and on but I am told that a good résumémust not be too long. Thus, I have enumerated my most significant skills).

Other:

• I am an important person. People who barely know my name well enough to be able to spell it correctly, are all very concerned about me. Every other day, I am asked what I intend on doing, now that I have “finished studies”. When so many people take time out of their lives to think of me and my life, I must be damn important don’t you think?
• I have been to so many tuitions and extra classes, you’d faint if you tried to keep count.
• My most prominent skill – I am absolutely shameless. I will inundate your inbox with emails that contain my résumé, no matter how much you ignore me. Just you watch.